What's the funniest user request you've ever had? [closed]

Question

"The calendars are really difficult to use, since there is a different number of days in each month. Could you please change them to have the same number of days?"

My client demanded that on his website the current white is too normal. And I quote "I want the glossy white of Facebook and Google"

I wonder if this would work:

main.css

body {
    background-color: #ffffff !glossy;
}

Client: "I really like my website and Google but I need them both when my laptop doesn't have an internet connection. Can you burn them to a cd so I can use them offline?"

Me: "I can make an offline version of your site but it would have limited functionality. I can't however make Google available offline. It is possible with hardware and a monthly contract to get internet anywhere for a monthly fee with a data card. You'd have to pay around $60/month for it through ATT or Sprint or something like that."

Client: "I'm starting to become disappointed with your capabilities."

"We know the server goes down sometimes, but we want it to never go down"

"can you make sure our sales increase by at least 131%? that would put us ahead of last year."

"We need the button to be clickable after the checkbox to enable the button clicks is checked."

The following happened multiple times with the same person ...

Data Entry Operator (at remote site): Can you fix my terminal? It won't turn on.

ME: Last time you called with this problem it was unplugged, can you please check that?

Data Entry Operator: It's plugged in!

So I drive to the remote site and what do I find? An unplugged terminal, of course! I plugged it in, and it worked just fine.