I'm working on my self-promotion skills, so let's see here; what good things can I say about myself...

I code for a living. Like, I'm so good that they pay me.

No, c'mon, you can do better than that. Dig deeper...

My regexes bring all the boys to the yard.

Nah; sounds weird. And those poor kids were probably just wondering why that guy was outside cursing at lookaheads...

Chuck Norris once tried to roundhouse one of my java classes and broke his foot.

Still a little pop culture-y, and it doesn't even make sense unless you rely on pretty liberal poetic license with the whole "solid code" metaphor...we're getting there, though.

I don't even have to tell gwt to create() anymore; it just knows.

Hey, we could be onto something here...

perl always passes by reference when I'm around.

I would stack more spokes than a spokestack would spoke if a spokestack could stack spokes.

I once installed hardware acceleration for the android emulator, but I found it ran faster if I just stared at it disapprovingly.

I know what xcode error messages mean.

OK, so that last one was obviously a fabrication. No one knows what the heck Xcode is talking about.