How do I help a person who wants relational database data in a CSV format?

Question

The non-technical person who asks, "Can you just put the database in an Excel spreadsheet for me?" is so common it's almost a trope. (I could've sworn there was an xkcd about this, but I can't find it.) We regularly get customers asking for all their data in a CSV.

To say this person is non-technical is redundant, so I need to explain to them in a non-technical, friendly, non-condescending way that Excel is not designed to represent one-to-many relationships (without making them grok the idea of one-to-many).

If you have had personal experience with a particular strategy that has worked for you with non-technical people, I'd definitely like to hear it.

EDIT: It seems like most of the answers are leaning toward questioning the intent of the requestor. That, in itself, is a difficult thing to do nicely. Some of the answers are leaning toward just throwing data at a person and telling them to go away. That's not what I'm going for here. I'm looking to help this person, not make them go away. That's what I'm trying to get to here.

So, two part question: What do I tell a customer (i.e., someone whose needs I want to satisfy) who requests a CSV of their data for a.) backup, or b.) getting information out of the system.

Since there's no exact right answer here, substantiated answers are welcome.

Answer 1

Ask them to send you a blank spreadsheet with the column headings for what they want, and tell them you'll fill it in.

When the blank spreadsheet comes one of two things will be true:

1. You will pretty easily be able to meet the requirements of the project (eg, no puzzling how to figure out which of 5 phone numbers is Phone1 and Phone2).

2. You will have some questions (such as "I have anywhere from 0 to 25 phone numbers per person. How do you want me to choose which is Phone1 and which Phone2? And what do you want me to do with any extras?).

If the second is true, the client will either be able to provide you with answers or they will realize that there is a genuine problem representing the data they want in spreadsheet form and, hopefully, ask for your assistance in planning the next step forward.

Answer 2

Managers can afford to be vague when they want something, I suspect that rather than 'all the Salesforce stuff', he/she just wants a particular view from it. You need to clarify what the data is for and give them what they need rather than what they asked for.